Give Me Novicane
by WHENICOMEAROUND
Summary: The pressure's becoming too much for Jack...
1. Give Me Novicane

Jack Shepard looked at his reflection in the water. He put his hands in the water

and rubbed them together. Then he splashed his face with cool water.

He sighed and took off his shoes and socks. Then he put his feet in the water. It

was light out- the sun was just rising. Usually, Jack loved sunrise more than any time of day.  
But Jack was still upset from the night before.

He thought about Kate. How he could even manage to think about Kate at a time

like this, he was unsure. Boone had just died, and Jack was sad and all, but he didn't want to

think about Boone.  
Up until this time spent on the island, Jack was almost sure he was in love with

Sarah. But Jack Shepard had the tendancy to think he knew everything. And his vainness

often resulted in other people's deaths...

Jack smacked the water where his reflection was, resulting in a splash. Sarah was

nothing anymore. Jack would be stuck on this island forever, he was sure of it. There was

no way they could get off, and it's pretty obvious no one was looking for them. And Jack

would never see Sarah again...

Somehow, this thought did not make him as upset as he thought. Sarah was

something very special, but Jack could no longer picture her face in his mind. The only think

Jack saw, when he closed his eyes, was Kate.

Jack played with his fingers. He wished he'd had the guts to leave Sarah at the

altar like he'd planned. But he didn't want her to be sad. She was still very nice.

But somehow Jack knew that she wasn't the one.

"Hey."

Jack was a little stunned. He turned around to face the speaker.

"Hey, Kate."

Kate sat down on the ground beside Jack and put her feet in the water too. "I hope you're

not beating yourself up too much."

"I'm not."

"Yeah, you are." said Kate.

This was one reason Kate was nothing like Sarah. Kate always knew when Jack was upset or angry. She just knew. And she always tried to help.

Jack sighed. "I could have saved him."

"No, you couldn't have." said Kate. She didn't seem to have a doubt in her mind. "I talked to

Locke yesterday. Boone didn't fall from a cliff."

Kate told Jack the entire story of what happened to Boone. When she finished, Jack sighed again.

"Why didn't Locke tell me that?" said Jack. "Boone tried to tell me- I know he did. But then

he passed out. I could have saved him. Really."

"Jack. Boone was going to die anyway. You would have put him through more pain if you had

taken his leg off." Kate looked at him. "You are an amazing, wonderful person. You help

every single person on this island. But you are only going to hurt yourself if you keep

bringing back the past."

Jack looked at her.

Here's another reason Jack was sure Kate was special- her eyes always had that

little twinkle in them, like no matter how sad she was, she was just a tiny bit happy.

"Thanks, Kate." he said. "Sometimes this all gets to be too much for me."

"It's been a hell of a ride for all of us," said Kate. "But none more than you. Sometimes we

rely on you too much to help us."

"That can only be expected," said Jack. "I'm the doctor."

Kate smiled, then looked at the sky.

"You know what I like about being out here?" she said.

"What?" asked Jack.

"When you wake up in the morning, all you hear is the waves crashing on the beach, or maybe

the fire, but that's it. You don't hear car horns honking, or somebody's music blasting or

anything. Just the waves." she smiled and looked back at Jack.

"Yeah," he said.

"I wish the world was all like this," said Kate. "Like this island. No drugs, or crime or

anything like that."

Jack looked at Kate. She was so open about her thoughts. Sarah liked to keep them

put. Jack was both, in a way. He could tell Kate anything. But in the real world, he mostly

kept to himself.

There's another reason Jack liked Kate. She gave him this feeling of comfort.

Anything that was bothering him, anything- he could tell Kate.

Which led Jack to only one conclusion- he was in love with Kate. 


	2. No Guts At All

Somehow, the fact that Jack was in love with someone that was not the woman he

married put him in a relatively bad mood. Once Kate left, Jack left too.

He sat on the beach. Usually he passed his time helping people who seemed to have

problems, but today he felt useless. He was having his own troubles.

He stared at the waves and drowned in his thoughts. He would have stayed there,

undisturbed, all day if no one had come up behind him.

"Jack?"

He turned around. It was Shannon.

"Hi." said Jack. He turned back to face the waves.

Shannon sat down beside him. "Thank you, for trying to help my brother."

Jack said, "I could have saved him."

"No, you couldn't. He was destined to die, and that's the end of it. Don't blame yourself."

Shannon played with the hem of her skirt. "Thank you for trying. There's nothing anyone

could have done to save him., but you still tried."

Shannon left.

Jack knew how Shannon was, and he knew that she was very stubborn and it

probably took a lot for her to just say thank you. So it was pretty nice.

He still wished that he could have saved Boone. It wasn't right. Something wasn't

right. Somehow, someway, Jack thought that maybe Locke had wanted Boone dead. Why else

would he have told him this lie about Boone falling?

Disgruntled, Jack picked up a rock from the sand in front of him. How he wished

life weren't so complicated. He screwed this all up. He just had to marry Sarah, didn't he?

And he was almost sure Boone would have lived if it weren't for him...

Sarah. That's what made Jack most angry. He'd only married her because he

saved her life. At first he tried to play along and make himself agree.

It seemed like somehow Jack knew that Kate was going to come into his life...

otherwise, he might not have felt like leaving Sarah.

Jack stood up and tossed the rock into the sea. It was almost dinnertime, and

someone probably needed help doing something.

Jack went into the site and sat down against a tree. Hurley sat opposite him,

boiling water on the campfire.

"What's up, Jack?" he asked. "You're looking kinda ticked."

Jack shook his head. "It's nothing, Hurley."

Hurley didn't fall for it. "Boone would have died anyway," said Hurley. "We all know it.

Locke told me the whole story. It's not your fault."

"It's not Boone," said Jack.

"Oh." Hurley said. "So, then what is it?"

"Hurley," said Jack. "What do you do if there's only one person you can go to when you have

a problem, and that person's the problem?"

"It's Kate, isn't it?" said Hurley.

"How'd you know?"

"Dude, you're all over her."

"I am not."

"Not like that, I mean," said Hurley hastily. "You're falling, man."

"That bad, huh?"

"I don't know..." Hurley said. "You're asking the wrong person." he shook his head a bit.

"Maybe you should just tell her what you think."

"Yeah." Jack stood up. "Thanks, Hurley."

Jack didn't know what to do. He had so much on his plate, he just needed to vent.

Jack headed for the ocean. It was dark. He took off his shoes and socks, then his shirt and

pants. He went into the water.

"Mind if I join you?"

It was Kate.

"No," said Jack.

Kate waded in and stood beside Jack.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yes." said Jack. He wanted to follow Hurley's words of wisdom and tell her what he

thought. But he had no guts.

That was the story of Jack Shepard's life. He had no guts. He could cut open

someone's skull and take out their brain and know they might die and not be scared. But

when it came to him, his life, and his emotions, he didn't have any guts at all. 


	3. Say Anything

Kate got out of the water and sat laid on the sand. Jack followed and sat beside

her.

"Aah," she said. "It's so beautiful."

Jack was looking at Kate. "Yeah." he said. "It is."

Kate sat up. "You're really something else, you know that?"

"Yeah," said Jack.

Kate laid down again to look at the sky.

For once in your life, Jack told himself in his mind, be spontaneous. Just tell her.

You know you want to...

"You're amazing," said Jack, barely hearing himself.

Kate looked at him. "Thank you. I think."

"I love you."

That's it, thought Jack. You're an idiot, Jack. Who does that? How do you know

she's not going to hate you for this?

Kate sat up and looked him straight in the eyes.

"You want to know a secret?"

"Shoot."

She came up close to his face and whispered, "I love you too."

Sawyer, who had been watching this from afar with growing annoyance, was

infuriated. You idiot, Kate. Fall for a rocket scientist instead of me, he thought. He was so

angry.

He couldn't bear to watch anymore. He turned around and left.

Sawyer was angry. He kicked a nearby tree, but only ended up stubbing his toe.

"Son of a BITCH!" he grunted, but he just left.

The story of Sawyer's life. He was always being let down. Maybe he was too

obnoxious for his own good. He pushed Kate away. He had it, and now it was lost.

"Son of a BITCH!" said Sawyer again. He was such an idiot sometimes! He'd

practically had Kate, and now it was all gone.

Sawyer kicked a tree again, but this time not as hard. He should have known. He

could never compete with Jack. He had set himself up.

And it was beginning to seem pretty obvious that the life of James Sawyer was

just one upsetting, crushed hope after another. And he hated it.

"Are you all right?"

Sawyer hadn't realized that he'd wandered somewhere close to camp. He turned to face

Sun.

"Yeah."

"You seem... distressed."

"Yeah, well..." he groped for words. "what else is new?"

"Do you need help with something?"

"I don't need help from you or anyone else, can you leave me alone?" Sawyer turned and

left. Sun shrugged and left too.

Back on the beach, Jack and Kate had ended thier first kiss and were now sitting

in the sand, overcome by and awkward silence.

"Tell me something." said Jack.

"What?"

"Anything. Just tell me something."

"Okay," said Kate. "What's up with that?"

"I feel like you give me half of who you are. I want to know the real Kate Ryon."

"Okay," said Kate. "First off, my real name's Kathleen."

"I figured that." said Jack, smiling. "Keep going."

Kate smiled, too. "Okay..." she laughed awkwardly. "This is hard. What do you want to know?"

"Anything. Just tell me something."

Kate thought. Then she pointed to her knee. "When I was six, my brother pushed me off the

top of our staircase, and I got that scar." she looked at Jack. "Good enough?"

"Tell me about you."

"Okay," said Kate. "I don't have a middle name, and I like spiders, and when I was a kid I

learned how to play the piano. I'm afraid of small places, my favorite color is green, and I'm

allergic to cats." she smiled. "That good enough for you?"

Jack smiled and kissed Kate's cheek. "Yes."

"Tell me something, Jack."

"What kind of 'something'?"

"Anything."

"Anything?" repeated Jack.

"Yes. Anything." said Kate. She looked at him with that twinkle in her eyes. That twinkle made

half of Jack want to cry, and half of him want to kiss her again.

Jack said, "I can tell you anything?"

"Yes."

"And you won't get mad at all?"

"Is there something I should know?" questioned Kate.

"Sort of." said Jack. "I'm kind of... married."

"What do you mean, 'kind of'?"

"I mean..." Jack struggled to tell her this. "I mean I'm married to someone, and I don't love

her."

"Who's this someone?"

Jack looked at Kate. He almost couldn't tell her this. "Look... a few years ago I had this

patient, and I sort of saved her life." Jack looked away from Kate for a minute. "I almost

didn't want to marry her. It's like, somehow, I knew someone else would come into my life. I

almost left her at the altar. But I didn't want to see anyone get hurt." he shook his head a bit.

"Weird how things work out."

Kate said, "Then why'd you tell me you loved me?"

"Because I do."

"Then why did you marry this... someone?"

"Sarah." said Jack. "Her name is Sarah. And I think I only asked her because I saved her

life."

Kate was a little upset.

"You said I could tell you anything." said Jack.

"Do you feel guilty?"

Jack looked at Kate. "What Sarah doesn't know can't hurt her."

"It can hurt you. And it could hurt me."

"Does it?"

"Hurt me?" asked Kate. She looked at the waves. "No. But I want to know what you think."

Jack said, "It probably seems really selfish of me, but there's no way I could have possibly

known I was going to meet you."

Kate stared at the waves. "So we can just forget about Sarah?"

"Yes."

"Why did you tell me in the first place?"

"I didn't want you to feel like you were being kept out of my life." said Jack.

"Jack, Jack, Jack!"

Jack and Kate turned around. It was Walt.

"We need your help, Doctor Shepard!" he cried.

Jack and Kate ran to the caves.

"What's wrong?"

Jack and Kate turned and walked into the campsite. There was a crowd of people surrounding someone lying on the floor.

"What's going on?" Kate asked Charlie, who was standing nearby.

"Jin just fainted."

Jack knelt down beside the man. Sun was weeping silently.

"Help him!"

"I can help him," Jack said. "Jin. JIN! Can you hear me?"

Jin opened one eye. He said something in Korean.

"Sun... Sun! What is he saying?"

Jin mumbled some more.

"He isn't making sense!" cried Sun. "He's just babbling."

"Kate, water!" said Jack. Kate passed him a bottle of water. Jack held it to Jin's lips and he

drank.

Jack sat him up. "What's going on?"

Jin said something else in Korean.

"He said he's tired." said Sun.

"Hey, you know what?" said Michael. "He's probably dehydrated. I didn't see him drink a

damn thing all day. Workin' on the raft, hot as hell."

"That's probably it," said Jack. He handed Jin the bottle. He thanked him in Korean.

"He'll be fine." Jack assured Sun.

Sawyer watched Jack smile at Kate once more. Kate grinned back Sawyer could

have killed Jack right then.

Nah. he thought. Too many witnesses. 


	4. Sawyer's Envy

When Sawyer woke up the next morning, he wasn't that pissed.

Until the events of the night before came flooding back, and so did the anger.

Sawyer sat up. There was a steady drizzle going on. He pushed his

blanket back and got up, deciding to fill his water bottle.

And who should he run into at the spring but Kate.

"Oh. Morning, Sawyer." she said, like he didn't know.

Which, Sawyer reminded himself, Kate didn't know what he'd seen.

"Morning, Freckles." Sawyer said. He bent down and filled his water.

Kate stood up. "Too bad it's raining today. I usually like it when it rains, but

when you're on an island, it's not so nice. Plus it's cold, and-"

"That's fascinating." Sawyer cut in. He left.

Kate shrugged. No use being nice to him. All he is is nasty to people.

"Good morning!" Claire came into the vicinity.

"Hello, Claire." said Kate. "How are you feeling?"

"Just wonderful." said Claire cheerfully. She knelt down and filled her water

bottle, then Charlie's.

"How's the baby?"

"He's just fine. He's still asleep. Charlie's with him." she added with a smile.

She sat down on the ground. "I cannot believe I would ever want to give him

away."

Kate smiled and sat down beside Claire. "Yeah."

"You wouldn't understand," said Claire. "I went through all that, and I was

going to leave him. Just seeing that beautiful baby and knowing that he's

yours, he's all yours... it's amazing."

Kate smiled. "I'm sure it is."

Claire said, "It is." She stood up. "Well, see you later, Kate."

"Bye, Claire."

Claire walked away, and soon, so did Kate.

Ever since the death of her brother, Shannon had been very

contained. She kept to herself and barely spoke to anyone, even Saiid. Most

of the time she sat on the beach, staring at the waves. She didn't eat or talk

or anything.

Saiid was worried about her. If she kept this up, she'd get herself

sick. And the last thing Saiid could bear was to see Shannon sick.

He approached her on the beach.

"Shannon?"

She didn't turn around.

Saiid sat down beside her. "There's nothing you could have done to save your brother."

Shannon didn't speak.

"He was destined to die," said Saiid. "No one could have saved him. Jack tried his hardest."

Still, Shannon didn't speak.

"You can't hang onto the past forever." said Saiid. "He's gone, and nothing

anyone says or does will bring him back. You just have to move on."

Shannon remained quiet.

Saiid picked up her hand. He kissed it gently. Then he left.

Jack, who had been ready to explode up until the night before, was

finally relaxing a bit. Boone had died. But Jack couldn't hang onto the past

forever. He knew the way things like this were. And now that he finally knew

how Kate felt about him, he could relax a bit.

"Walk with me?" Kate asked Jack in the late afternoon. It had been raining

mostly all day, and everyone was confined to the camp.

"Of course." said Jack.

They stood up. They walked into the woods. The sky was a dreary

gray, but they were happy.

"So," Kate asked. "What made you want to become a doctor?"

"I don't know." replied Jack. "My dad, mostly. He was a doctor, too."

"Yeah," Kate began to say, but then someone came running out of the bush

nearby.

Sawyer jumped on Jack's back. "Son of a BITCH!" he yelled. Jack

fell to the ground. Sawyer punched him in the face.

"Sawyer, STOP IT!" Kate yelled. She jumped on top of Sawyer and

attempted to get him off.

"Leave Jack alone!"

Sawyer hit Jack again. Jack tried to fight back, but wasn't able to.

"SAWYER!" Kate screamed. "STOP IT!"

Jack moaned and Sawyer hit him in the jaw again. He reached up and punched

where Sawyer's head had been, but only got thin air. He punched again. This

time he hit Sawyer's jaw.

Kate finally managed to get Sawyer off Jack. She punched him in the nose.

"What the hell is your problem?"

Sawyer held his bleeding nose. "Dr. Do-Right over here, that's my damn

problem," said Sawyer.

Jack took off his sock and mopped up his face with it. "What did I do now?"

"Don't pretend you don't know," said Sawyer.

"It'd be a lot easier if I knew what you were going on about," said Jack.

Sawyer stood up. "Forget it," he said. He left.

Kate kneeled down on the ground beside Jack. "What was that all about?"

"It's you. He must have seen us together. You know how Sawyer is. Big baby."

Jack stood up.

"Go wash your face or something," said Kate. "Let me deal with Sawyer."

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't do anything," said Jack. "I don't want him to hurt you too."

Kate smiled at Jack. Then she just left.

"SAWYER!"

He turned around.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"What?" said Sawyer.

"Why did you just go and beat on Jack? What did he ever do to you, huh?"

Kate was infuriated.

Sawyer was even madder. "Because... because... just because." he said.

Kate wasn't about to take that. "Oh, please. You're just jealous. Leave Jack alone."

"You sure aren't leavin' Jack alone. Expecting your first baby yet,

Freckles?"

Kate got madder. She smacked him across the face.

"Hey," she said. "It is NONE of your business what I do with Jack."

"Don't tell me you didn't bang him yet, Katie..." Sawyer started, trying

to get her infuriated.

"Shut the hell up, Sawyer. You're acting like a twelve year old."

"All right, don't get your panties in a tangle." he sat down in the dirt. "Tell

me somethin'..."

Kate sighed.

"Oh come on, I'm not that bad."

Kate sighed again. "What do you want?"

"What's he got that I don't got?"

Kate sat down. "He treats me like a human being." said Kate.

"What, do I abuse you or something?"

Kate stood up. "I don't know why I even bothered." she walked away and left

Sawyer how he was, and how he'd always been. For his whole life, he'd always

been- and he always will be- alone. 


End file.
